Ever since I became a single mother, I have been cautious about making decisions that could affect my children. I always make sure I don't ruin their lives because of my selfishness or my poor decision-making. That thought made me walk on eggshells all the time. Sometimes I feel like I just want to let it go and screw my life once in a while, relax, and not worry too much.

I was raised with no direction, and my parents didn’t seem to care what we would become. We just had to survive. The thought of not guiding my kids scares me. So I have to make sure I am not treating them the way my parent did. I have to make sure that they achieve their goals in life. At least they hold a degree as a capital to build their new life as an adult.
As they grew up, I started to challenge myself. Sometimes I still have to set aside what I want to give them the opportunity. But slowly, I learned to make brave decisions. With that, I feel God is teaching me to be more reliant on Him — a gentle pull to trust to God even when I don’t know the outcome.

Let’s be honest: This year wasn’t a highlight reel. I made decisions that scared me.
I wondered whether I had ruined everything I had worked for.
There were moments I asked myself…
“Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?”

Leaving stability. Quitting my job to pursue what I am called to do, with the optimism that God will provide my needs. Taking risks that I wasn’t sure about. Trying to support everyone with limited resources, attempting to hold everything together while I was quietly falling apart. That’s my crazy thoughts that convince me that I am falling apart.

From the outside, people may not see it. But inside, I was wrestling with myself:
“Did I choose wrong?”
“Am I disappointing my kids?”
“Will this decision cost me later?”
“What if everything collapses because of me?”
“Why can’t I get it right?”

Guilt kept replaying the “wrong steps”… as if I should have known everything beforehand. But here’s what God showed me: I did not ruin God’s plan. I simply outgrew the old one. Once I made that decision, I must trust Him — not perfectly, but enough to trust to God when logic fails.

Where I saw “mistake,” God saw movement.
Where I saw “failure,” God saw faith.
Where I saw “collapse,” God saw construction.

Sometimes God lets things shake. So the fake support systems fall away.
So what remains is real — and Him.
I finally learned something: Your mistakes don’t disqualify you from destiny. Sometimes they lead you straight to it.
Every step that felt wrong… was still guided by grace, and taught me again to trust to God in ways I never had to before.